I am totally jinxing myself just by writing this but I am undertaking a current project that I am calling my December Detox. Around this time of year I always bulk up with my fair share of bread, cheese, wine (actually booze of any kind) and many other delightful treats. In Vancouver it is ALWAYS raining in the fall/winter/spring/sometimes summer and once it starts to get dark around 4pm I feel like going for a jog is out of the question but getting cozy on the couch with a glass of red and a plate of Baldersons is right up my alley (by a plate I mean a whole brick of cheese- don’t judge). There are always so many fun parties around this time of year with amazing food and delicious booze and I cannot say no, I have never said no, until now. I decided to practice a little self control this year and try a month of no booze, moderate jogging + exercize and a diet low in wheat and dairy (a month= more like 25 days: 25 days til Christmas=coincidence? I think not).
It’s a bit easier being away from my usual party places and my usual party people: my boyfriend, my friends, my family…everyone I know at home basically, because I am removed from my typical bread, cheese, booze party situation. Don’t get me wrong: I love bread, cheese and booze. I would have no problem tattooing that phrase on my arm or making that the title of my first book (don’t worry no plans for tattoo or book). Anyhow, it seems like the perfect storm for my detox is in Kyoto for the following reasons:
1. Bread here sucks. Yes I am a bread snob. What kind of bread can I buy here? White bread. ONLY. I have heard that it is possible to buy some kind of wholeish-wheatish bread but I have yet to see it AKA it’s an urban myth. You can buy different ‘kinds’ of bread, but by ‘kinds’ I mean different numbers of slices. Let me explain: all bread is white bread. It is all the same loaf of bread. However, there are 4 different ‘kinds’ of bread, same sized loaf, just different numbers of slices(4,6,8,10). You can get really thick sliced bread (4 pieces in a loaf) to really thin sliced bread (10 pieces in a loaf). Now that’s selection (FAIL). But Kelsey, “why don’t you make your own bread?” you ask, because all of the flour is white flour and I would have to attempt to bake it in a microwave that doubles as an oven. I don’t eat white bread and I don’t bake white bread in microwaves.
2. Cheese here sucks. Yes I am also a cheese snob. What kind of cheese can I buy here? Kraft singles in cheddar (plastic) or mozzarella (plastic). Parmesan cheese in powder (plastic powder) is available, as well as shredded cheese (pretty sure its plastic too) and then there is a soft cheese that is probably the closest thing to actual cheese (maybe not plastic). Anyways, none of these items qualify as cheese to me. Enough said.
3. Booze. Not a booze snob (anyone surprised?). I can’t say anything bad here about quality or accessibility. I can buy sake and beer out of a vending machine on my way home from school. It’s cheap, convenient and lord knows I love it. I can buy Belgian beer and Chilean wine for a fraction of the price at home. However, drunk dialling your boyfriend on an 18 hour time difference because you miss the hell out of him and keeping your neighbour up til 5am talking about god knows what repeatedly, is a messy situation. Also everyone here still likes drunk Kelsey (I think) because no one here has had to suffer hungover Kelsey unlike Nick and Amber and Chantal and Mom and Dylan and Grannie and…you get the picture. Although booze is cheaper here, it adds up and the cost is, well, high but not necessarily monetary.
4. Budget. Good bread and cheese probably does exist here, just not in my local grocery store and not in my price range. If I had a whole lot of $$$ and I was really desperate I would get to that import shop downtown and go nuts. Also I need to focus my budget on seeing and doing new things, and also buying omiyage (gifts) for friends and family.
This perfect storm has allowed me to create this wee little detox for myself. I hope to shed a few pounds and turn a few heads (one particular head) when I head home for the holidays at the end of December. It’s only one month so we shall see!
If you are looking to do a little mid-season detox like myself I highly recommend this 3-day fruit cleanse detox that I did to kick start my detox. Make sure you are just lazing around the house all weekend when you do it and that you don’t forget to drink plenty o water and get the right amount of calorie intake. Afterwards ease yourself back onto whole grains (brown rice) and protein (beans, eggs, lean meats) but avoid greasy food and sugary shit. I keep a food and exercise diary on myfitnesspal.com that helps me stay on track and check myself before I wreck myself.
Words of support are welcomed! I am starting to lose my momentum and it has only been 2 1/2 weeks! I could really go for a beer and a pizza right about now…but I need you to talk me out of it. Of course this detox will be for absolutely nothing when I come home for the holidays on December 26th and dive in to an abyss of bready, cheesey, boozy goodness! Yipee!